HJOj_SKjmQIGQwfbde_0DpO42c0 That Drawer in the Kitchen: 2014

Monday, December 29, 2014

Bieber Doll Beat Down

justin bieber

Last year an off duty police officer in Denver was arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend. He claimed he was acting in self-defense. He claimed it was because he was fending off a vicious attack. He claimed his girlfriend was wielding a weapon.

What type of weapon would pose a threat so great to an off duty police officer, that it would necessitate assault against a woman?
  • A gun?
  • A knife?
  • A big stick?
  • A small stick with a sharp point?
  • A rolling-pin? (This applies mainly to Andy Capp’s wife.)
  • Mace, the medieval weapon?
  • Mace, the chemical irritant?
  • MACE, the Middleware Architecture Committee for Education? Sure, they seem like geeks, but they will rip you up.
  • A big rock?
  • A little rock, if you chuck it really hard?
  • An arrow poked into your eye?
  • An arrow shot from a bow?
  • A bow tie? (Wasn’t there a Bond villain named Bowtie, who used bow ties as a weapon? Well, there should have been.)
  • A Ukulele? (You wouldn’t be smirking right now if you’d ever been hit with a ukulele.)
  • A Justin Bieber doll?
That’s right, he claimed she was wielding a Justin Bieber doll.

Read what happened here....

Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Almost Internet Famous Internet show is back!

Look.  You've done enough shopping.  And enough eating.  How's about you spend a few minutes with your friendly neighborhood jman while we talk pop culture news and toys?  It's good for what ails ya...

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Thank You Anti-Toy Gun Zealot for a Classic

christmas story

It was a chance encounter with a woman wearing a button that read: DISARM THE TOY INDUSTRY, in angry block red letters.
It’s all a Government plot to prepare the Innocent for evil, Godless War!  I know what they’re up to! Our committee is on to them, and we intend to expose this decadent Capitalistic evil!
She told him as she handed him a smudged pamphlet denouncing the U.S. as a citadel of warmongers, profit greedy despoilers of the young and promoters of world-wide Capitalistic decadence, all through plastic popguns and Sears Roebuck fatigue suits for tots.

Read the rest....

Monday, December 22, 2014

Bad-Ass with a Needle

You should add a heavy metal soundtrack to this in your head – here’s some helpful heavy crunching guitar chords to get you started:

Picture this:
It’s 7:30 am on a cold and blustery winter morning in Salford, UK. You’re in an area of the city that has a bit of a reputation for violent crime and it’s somewhere you try to move through quickly, just in case.
You get on the bus and sit down and then you notice a man walking towards you.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Idiotprufs’ Guide to Gifts not to Give

bad gift
You said you liked my armpits that way.

We all want to give the perfect gift for Christmas. The gift that will brighten a child’s face. The gift that show thoughtfulness and caring. The type of gift that will result in moments that will be cherished forever.

Well that’s not going to happen because frankly, you’re a moron; the best you can hope for is to not screw things up too badly.

Since I’m practically an expert at screwing things up badly–I mean, I am shockingly good at it–I am going to assist you in what gifts not to give.

Don’t give your goth cousin a bottle of skin bronzer. Just because she’s a goth doesn’t mean her flesh will burst into flames if it’s exposed to real sunlight. It’s Holy water that does that.

Read the rest of the list here....

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

F*cktard Wednesdays

Fearless Leader has threatened me at knifepoint very kindly invited me to post on this community blog, so here's my first post. Hope you enjoy it!

I'm forcibly involved in conversations at work that make me question the UK's education system.

So much so, that I'm considering making 'F*cktard Wednesdays' a weekly feature on my blog.

The latest conversation went like this:

Me (in a chirpy happy, spirit not yet suffocated with stupidity voice): Good morning! You’re speaking to Jamie on the helpdesk, what can I do for you?

Sandra: Hello, this is Sandra at the (Workplace for the Mentally Impaired, apparently) Surgery. I’m having trouble accessing my web mail, can you help me?

Me: Certainly. Can you tell me the email address please?

Sandra: Email address? the surgery email address?

Me (still chirpy, but now rolling my eyes): No Sandra, YOUR email address. The one your having trouble getting into.

Sandra: I don’t have an email address. Do you mean my home one?

Read the rest of this ridiculous conversation here.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Cloudy Crystal Ball: Predictions That Missed It by That Much

Here's a copy and paste job from an email my Mom sent me.

This just goes to prove that even the Smart Guys can be stoopid sometimes.

Hiroshima Thinks Otherwise.

One Gazillion Hit Wonders.


Dropped Call.

The Best in My Liftime.


Maybe a Few More Than That.

Penicillin Was a Fad Also.

Not Very Bright.

Look at All Those Horses!

There Will Be Only 1 Channel, Too.

Iron Horse

Three Little Letters: I. B. M.

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em.

Making War More Efficient.

Over U. S. 10,000 Radio Stations Later...

C-130 Anyone?

Just Before Waterloo.


If Only He Had a Time Machine

Xerox Begs to Differ.

Which One Would Superman Choose?

June, 2183?


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NYT: All the News That's Fit to Print? 

Missed it by that much!