HJOj_SKjmQIGQwfbde_0DpO42c0 That Drawer in the Kitchen: November 2014

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Black & White Working Together: These Men of Ferguson Step Up



With all the bullshit going on in Ferguson, Missouri over the past few weeks, here's a story that I haven't seen on any of the major news organizations.

With all the division that the race hustlers and the Barack Obama administration have tried to bring in the nation and particularly to Ferguson, Missouri, it's good to see a positive story. Several, well-armed black men stood guard around a business to protect it from looters and rioters. The catch is that the business was owned by a white man. What would cause these men to do such a thing in a town that seems hell bent on destruction of private property because they falsely believe a white policeman murdered a black man? Loyalty and jobs.

It's a very inspiring story, so click on over to Freedom Outpost and read the whole thing.

The men in this story are excellent role models for the youth of Ferguson.


God bless them.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Thanksgiving With the Family: The Aftermath

breaking bad Thanksgiving.
That seems about right.

Did you have a good Thanksgiving with the family?

Of course you didn’t; you had it with the family.

The phrase “with the family” is equivalent to the phrase “while being tortured sadistically.”

Let’s try it out: Did you have a good Thanksgiving while being tortured sadistically? See how the words are different, but their meaning hasn’t changed.

Are you nursing a headache today because getting through Thanksgiving with the family means more Wild Turkey than actual turkey?

Wild Turkey
Wild Turkey: helping you survive family get-togethers since 1869.

Did your crazy uncle pull out his pictures of what he claims to be a Bigfoot, but what looks suspiciously like the stump in his backyard.

Did your vegan cousin punctuate the Thanksgiving Day prayer by loudly proclaiming that meat is murder?

Did your aunt then correct your vegan cousin by informing her that this year’s Thanksgiving dinner was roadkill, and therefore its death was clearly an accident. (It may have been opossum, nobody was quite sure. Your uncle was really drunk when he hit it.)

Read more....

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Seriously, I Don’t Want to Dance

Seriously, I Don’t Want to Dance

the office dancing
Do you really want David Brent as a role model? 

Why is this world polluted with people who are determined to make me dance? Loud, pushy, abrasive, overbearing, manipulative, overlords of what is or is not judged to be enjoyable. People who won’t take no for an answer. People who believe they have a better grasp of what’s in my brain than I do.

What I say: I don’t want to dance.

What they hear: I pretend I don’t want to dance, but secretly, it’s my deepest yearning. If it weren’t for debilitating fear and self-loathing, I’d be out on the dance floor right now, living the dream.

What I say: seriously, I don’t want to dance.

What they hear: if only there were some loud, pushy, abrasive, overbearing, manipulative, overlord of what is or is not judged to be enjoyable, to goad and badger me into doing what I’ve secretly always wanted to do anyway.

What I say: get away from me you drooling half-wit.

What they hear: grab my arm like a slack-jawed oaf, and physically drag me onto the dance floor.

I am not responsible for anything that happens from that moment forward. I am certain the person who coined the phrase, “justifiable homicide” was just some poor fellow who earnestly didn’t want to dance.

Note: I’m sure when his jaw is unwired, the person described in the scenario above, will apologize to me.

Read the rest....

 

Recipe in That Drawer: My Wife's Delicious New England Boiled Dinner In a Crock Pot!






Long time no see, I am happy to report that I am back.  I have a lot of ideas to keep you all entertained for a long time.  I will get into why the long absence in another post.  Today I am going to talk about how to make a traditional New England boiled Dinner and we are going to simplify it.  Before I get into the recipe though I want to talk about something, I think we shouldn't be afraid to cook outside the box.  No one says you cannot make a boiled dinner in crock pot and honestly it comes out a lot more flavorful and what makes this even better, you can turn on your crock pot with all the ingredients and let it go all day.  No babysitting required!  

Read the rest.....

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Purple Pilgrims

Purple Pilgrims

pilgrims
The way Pilgrims are supposed to look…if you have no creativity.
As a child you learn many lessons:
  • Regardless of how far your garden hose sprays, you’re still too close to the hornet’s nest.
  • You don’t want to discover the quantitative value for the phrase “mad as a hornet” at any point in time.
  • Regardless of how sturdy it seems, an umbrella is not an adequate substitute for a parachute.
  • Your cousins lie.
  •  You can be lying in a crumpled heap, several bones broken, some of them relatively important, and the first thing any adult will think to say is: “look at what you did to my umbrella.”
  • Even though most varieties of snakes are not venomous, you still don’t want them to bite you.
  • Convincing your cousin to let a snake bite him so that you find out whether or not it’s venomous, seems like a good idea, but it will really piss-off your aunt.
  • Did I mention cousins lie.
  • Never utter the phrase “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me,” to someone who is in possession of sticks or stones. In the jungle that is playground justice, you will be pelted with a barrage of sticks and stones.
  • When adults say cheaters never prosper, they’re full of it. Cheaters prosper all of the time, mostly because they’re cheating.
  • Do not ever, under any circumstance, ask a girl if she’s going to be as fat as her mother when she grows up.
  • Definitely don’t ask her that question if she’s holding sticks or stones.
  • Don’t melt play-doh on the stove. (What seems like a scientific experiment to you, is just wanton destruction to your mother.)
  • Ditto with crayons.
  • Don’t purposely try to set off the smoke alarm just to see how loud it is. It’s loud.
  • Thinking your mother won’t hear the smoke alarm because she’s in the shower, is a big mistake.
  • Artistic creativity is not always welcomed.
It happened when I was a first-grader at R.R. Rogers Elementary School in Jamestown, NY.

Read the rest....

Monday, November 10, 2014

Sunday, November 9, 2014

My Top Ten Previous Lives and Other Nonsense

Napolean
I may have been Napoleon in a previous life. 

I’ve noticed when people talk about reincarnation or previous lives, they’ve always been someone famous or influential or important. They’re always Napoleon or George Washington or the guy who invented the ShamWow.

Why is it that no one has ever been a fifth century banana slug or Igor the twelfth century serf who mucked out stables, and was killed by a runaway manure cart?

After much deliberation I’ve come up with my top ten previous lives:

TEN

Big stupid dinosaur–Jurassic Period.

NINE

Small clever dinosaur, eaten by a big stupid dinosaur–Jurassic Period.

EIGHT

Big stupid dodo bird that jumped from a cliff in a fruitless attempt to fly–whenever the hell we lived.

dodo bird
Look at those tiny ineffectual wings, no wonder we’re extinct.


 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Poop Flinging Monkeys and Origami Condoms

monkey throwing poop
He’s right-handed–make a note of that.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post entitled, What the Hell is Going on, detailing the National Institute of Health’s spending of $3.8 million to make monkeys alcoholic. (The amount spent on monkey rehab is still unreported.)

The Daily Mail has now reported another list of bizarre NIH spending:

$2.4 million dollars to develop an ‘origami’ condom.

I’ve always felt the biggest problem with condoms is that they’re not in the shape of a swan. They’re just too easy to use; stopping to remove the condom from its package, and apply it without losing the ‘moment’ is just too simple; why not also have to fold it into shape of dragon.