My Top Ten Previous Lives and Other Nonsense

I may have been Napoleon in a previous life. 

I’ve noticed when people talk about reincarnation or previous lives, they’ve always been someone famous or influential or important. They’re always Napoleon or George Washington or the guy who invented the ShamWow.

Why is it that no one has ever been a fifth century banana slug or Igor the twelfth century serf who mucked out stables, and was killed by a runaway manure cart?

After much deliberation I’ve come up with my top ten previous lives:

TEN

Big stupid dinosaur–Jurassic Period.

NINE

Small clever dinosaur, eaten by a big stupid dinosaur–Jurassic Period.

EIGHT

Big stupid dodo bird that jumped from a cliff in a fruitless attempt to fly–whenever the hell we lived.

Look at those tiny ineffectual wings, no wonder we’re extinct.

Read the rest of the list here....