What's wrong with me?

What’s Wrong With Me?

I'm not feeling right.

Something is a bit off.

I seem to be suffering from some mysterious medical condition.

The symptoms are myriad:

• Nausea.
• Runny nose.
• Headaches in my stomach.
• Stomach aches in my head.
• Squirrels steal my mail and replace it with half eaten nuts.
• Everything smells like fear.
• Everything tastes like pine cones.
• Pine cones taste like pickled beets (but they smell like fear).
• The sound of Justin Bieber’s voice makes me weep uncontrollably.
• I have a rash on my butt in the shape of Piers Morgan’s face.
• I have a rash on my face in the shape of Piers Morgan’s butt.
• My left eyeball pops out of its socket at really inconvenient times.
• Itchy scalp.
• Dizziness.
• Chills.
• Tremors.
• Tremors 2.
• Any movie involving giant mutant worms.
• Sleeplessness.
• Sleeplessness from incontinence.
• Sleeplessness because Elvis’ ghost visits me nightly and gripes endlessly about how Mary Tyler Moore Hogged up all the screen time in Change of Habit.
• The compulsion to make ridiculous lists.
• Paranoia.

Find out what's wrong here....