Karma can strangle too!

Y'all, this made me laugh hard!! Dumbass steals a snake from Petco, then drives her getaway Prius. The snake then proceeds to WRAP ITSELF AROUND HER NECK! She apparently loses control of said Prius and crashes into a firehouse. I love Karma!!!

Photo courtesy: 6abc.com

Woefully Inadequate Preparation

Woefully Inadequate Preparation

Useless knowledge when you’re about to be cut.

This occurred while I was working as a quality control inspector at a steel coating plant near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was sitting at my desk filling out paperwork–paperwork that I’m sure was vital to the daily functioning of the plant, and not be interrupted–when the crane operator, Jim, burst into the office.

“We have a problem,” he barked.

Jim tended to have problems more days than not. Urgent problems. Urgent problems of all varieties. (I could tell it was urgent because Jim was using his urgent voice. His urgent voice was similar to his whiny voice, but an octave higher.)

I looked around the office to discover I was the only one there. Crap.

“Houston,” I said to him.

“What?”

“When you burst into a room to exclaim that you have a problem, you’re supposed to say, ‘Houston, we have a problem.'”

“But we’re not in Houston.”

Note: nobody gets me.

“Never mind. What’s the problem?” I asked with genuinely feigned interest.

“Look at this,” he said as he shoved his phone at me. It was a picture of some temp workers standing outside on a smoke break.

“It’s a picture of some temp workers standing outside on a smoke break.” I said.

“You don’t see the problem?” He was incredulous.

“The threat of emphysema?”

“Look closer.” He shoved the phone at me again.

“Okay. They’re all smoking cigarettes, except for that little guy who seems to be holding…a crack pipe.”

“So you understand the problem now?”

“He’s not sharing with the others?”

“This is serious,” he snapped.

“Selfishness is a serious problem, Jim,” I admonished him.

“I can’t be operating a crane out there with people running around all hopped up on drugs.”

“Do people still use the phrase hopped up?”

“Are you going to do something or not?”

To find out if I did anything....http://idiotprufs.com/

Mrs. Fearless Leader's Video Recipe: Almost Miss Kay's Melt in Your Mouth Biscuits!

Heather, otherwise known as Mrs. Fearless Leader, has been away from her You Tube cooking channel for several weeks.

But, holy shit did she come back with a vengeance!

This is a must see video: Almost Miss Kay's Melt in Your Mouth Biscuits!

They are incredible!

You can find more of Heather's recipes on her blog, Mishmawsh and Other things. You can also connect with and follow her and other great Foodies on Facebook ---> right here. 

Be sure to leave a comment and let Heather know what you think and she is always open to sharing recipes from and with her followers! Also, be sure to subscribe to Heather's You Tube Channel (MishMawsh and Other things) so you don't miss out on some of the best eats ever!

Everything Changes - My Wife's Latest Video on You Tube!

My wife hasn't posted a new video on her cooking channel in a while.

In her new vid she explains why.

Thanks for viewing and be sure to follow Heather's (my wife) blog Mishmawsh and Other things, her Facebook page and of course her You Tube cooking channel, Mishmawshandotherthings . 

Heather's new recipe video will be based upon a recipe from Miss Kay of Duck Dynasty!

Stay tuned!

Taglines and more Taglines

Taglines and more Taglines

Because they haunt your dreams.

“Striving every day to do the least idiotic thing possible, generally failing.”

 

The above statement has been the tagline of this blog since its inception–sadly, it’s also been the guiding principle of my life–but it feels as if it’s time for a change. (For the tagline, my life’s a irreparable heap.)

So I’ve decided to try out a few alternatives:

idiotprufs: what happens when you don’t listen to that nagging little voice in your head.

idiotprufs: read by four out of five drunken monkeys-written by the fifth.

idiotprufs: the blog that is wanted by the authorities for questioning.

idiotprufs: just do it. (Evidently the people at Nike think they own everything.)

idiotprufs: the blog that got so drunk last night, it can’t remember anything it did.

idiotprufs: the last blog you will ever read…after you’ve stabbed your eyes out with a shrimp fork
.
idiotprufs: the blog that makes my friends deny they know me.

idiotprufs: the reason most of my family no longer speaks to me. (I wish I had started it sooner.)

idiotprufs: the reason I’ve been burned in effigy by Bolivian pudding makers.

idiotprufs: reading it will make your breath perpetually minty fresh.

idiotprufs: the blog labeled a bitter disappointment by its parents.

idiotprufs: the blog that was a banana slug in a previous life.

Read the rest...

Head Wounds, Deer Semen and Fear: A Famliy Reunion

Head Wounds, Deer Semen and Fear: A Famliy Reunion

You’re not related to these men, you should be so lucky.

So you think your family reunions are miserable?

I’m referring to those occasions that include grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, creatures who claim to be cousins, but who you could swear are really albino trolls, in-laws, out-laws, felons, significant others, insignificant others, the cast of that creepy movie The Others.

Do you have that one guy who doesn’t seem to belong with any particular family, but always shows up around the holidays. He wears an eye-patch, has a peg leg, and refers to everyone as Matey.

Does the mere act of thinking about your family make you sweat profusely and vomit a little in your mouth?

Does your calendar have the date of your family reunion circled with the word, Armageddon, written across it in blood?

Do you equate spending the day with the extended family with that disturbing dentist/torture scene from Marathon Man?

When you’re with your family, do you wish you could trade places with Dustin Hoffman’s character?
Did you get all the way to the closing credits of The Hills Have Eyes before you realized it wasn’t a home movie?

Do you read Oliver Twist and think: lucky bastard?

Read the rest here....

Don't flinch

A few short weeks from now, you’ll be double checking suitcases, book bags, and new student lists as you prepare to leave your home and enter the world of higher education. As I look at the excitement, anticipation and inpatients on your glowing face, my heart swells, more than I thought it ever could, at the amazing person you’ve become.

I know the last thing in the world you want to hear right now is yet more advice from a woman who’s been offering it, wanted and otherwise, your entire life. But there’s something I’ve tried to teach you, maybe more by example than anything else, and I need to say it; to know that you know.

As you move out into the world with your mind hungry to learn new things and find new experiences, know that not all of the lessons are going to be good ones. That’s OK. I believe in my heart that the world is a good and beautiful place, but there are places, situations and sometimes even people that are not.

Try never to become too busy to soak in the beauty around you, to look for it and celebrate it! But when you find people that have had it taken from them, or were never taught to look for it, don’t flinch. Never let yourself become callous or hard. Instead, look for ways to share some part of your joy with them.

When you meet people, make sure you look them in the eye. Remember to never judge someone based on appearances. The true measure of a man (or woman) is taken over time and should be based more on on their deeds than words alone.

Hopefully you’ll always find more kindness and compassion on the ledger than anything else. But if you’re faced with otherwise, don’t flinch. Turning a blind eye to the ugliness in life is how apathy is born.

...Continue reading here.